“What do you mean, Carly? Weight loss is a simple formula of calories in versus calories out. You just need to eat less than you burn.”

I get it. I fully understand the mathematics and physiology. If I expend more energy than I consume, I’ll lose weight. I have no argument to the science.

But every time I try to count calories to lose a few pounds, I either maintain or gain weight. I become obsessed with food and develop an unhealthy relationship with myself and my meals. It took time to find alternative strategies that work for me, but…

This week
Was not
Productive.

My morning routine
In shambles,
Mourning the loss
Of any routine.

I felt tired
And busy,
Physically,
And in my mind.

I had no drive,
No grip on the wheel,
Or gas in my tank.

I slept in,
Pressing snooze,
Hitting pause on my
Normal life.

I have road rage
At myself.
The speed limit is 60,
But I’m cruising at 25.

I know it’s okay
To take a break,
But I don’t need one.
I’m frustrated at my lack
Of motivation.

But being angry with myself
Didn’t help. …

When people think of a vegan diet, many envision health. They picture a thin person who eats mostly fruits and vegetables, avoiding unhealthy foods. Someone who does not struggle with weight gain or health problems, aside from needing to monitor their vitamin and protein levels. This may not be everyone’s first image, but it was mine for a while.

But guess who else is vegan? A person who eats Oreos and Bac’n Bits. Yes, those are also vegan foods.

Since the plant-based diet has become popular, the most common vegan foods are snacks and processed “fake” meats. They are often…

I flinched.
This hurts.
Beauty is pain,
My mother said,
As she tweezed my unibrow
For school pictures.

I grew up hearing
That phrase often,
Thinking
She always meant
Physical beauty,
Like high heels,
Or waxing,
No thanks.

But as I age,
As I experience
Life
For its thrills
And sorrows,
I realize her simple statement
Extends
Beyond appearance.

I’ve suffered
Physically,
And mentally,
But I am still here.
I have scars,
But don’t we all?

Success takes
A little blood,
Sweat and
Tears,
They say.
(I am way
Too generous
With my tears.)

What I’m getting at Is my…

When is the last time you ate a meal without distraction? And I mean truly, without watching TV, talking to someone, or scrolling on your phone. Without your mind reviewing your to-do list or focusing on the day’s stressors. The answer, for me, was way too long.

Today, I found myself in the lunchroom alone instead of chatting with co-workers. I left my phone in my office by accident. My chair faced the window, soaking up some natural light. I stared at my meal of quinoa, chickpeas, and veggies. …

There are people here
I did not invite,
Strangers living
In my mind.
Bad influences,
Turning my quiet days
Busy,
And my good days
Gloomy.

I feel stuck
With you around.

Like a prisoner
To my own thoughts,
As these inmates,
These voices,
Talk about things
I don’t want to hear.
They consume me,
All at once,
Then leave.

I think they’re gone
For good this time.

Then something
Clicks
That makes me think,
And think,
Until I’m
Paralyzed
With rampant thoughts,
Indecision,
And worry.

Stop,
For once.

Just be quiet, Or say something nice. It’s too early To start…

So, you’re just going to eat vegetables and wither away? My father said when I politely declined a steak for the first time.

I’ve done some research, and vegans can’t survive with what they eat, I overheard my boss claim to his patient outside of my office.

There’s no way you get enough protein, is the most common phrase I hear.

I am a proud vegan. I love my diet and feel great about my health. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my joy with the way I choose to consume my food. Some of my friends and family don’t eat gluten…

Deep conversations make me uncomfortable.

I’m good at surface level communication, but struggle opening up to others. I can start conversations with people and facilitate a few laughs. We can talk about where we grew up, our family dynamics, and weekend plans. I’ll be a listening ear as people express their hardships and I’ll thoughtfully ask follow-up questions.

But for me to be in the spotlight is harder. For me to talk about what’s weighing heavy on my heart, why it feels like I have a rock in my stomach, and what emotions consume me today is hard to do…